We love helping our moms and dads. But if you feel trapped caring for an elderly parent, this story’s for you.
Meet Tricia and Heather. They were very much alike.
Both juggled busy careers with demanding household tasks. Both were sandwich-generation women with older teenagers.
Both lived near Yonge and St. Clair in Midtown Toronto. On weekends, they met up to walk their furry friends to the neighbourhood’s off-leash dog park.
One Saturday, they perched on a bench while their pups played on the grass. Tricia and Heather always had plenty to talk about. Today’s topic was their elderly mothers. When their moms had gotten sick and needed daily attention, both women had stepped willingly into the role of primary caregiver.
Meet Tricia and Heather. They were very much alike.
Both juggled busy careers with demanding household tasks. Both were sandwich-generation women with older teenagers.
Both lived near Yonge and St. Clair in Midtown Toronto. On weekends, they met up to walk their furry friends to the neighbourhood’s off-leash dog park.
One Saturday, they perched on a bench while their pups played on the grass. Tricia and Heather always had plenty to talk about. Today’s topic was their elderly mothers. When their moms had gotten sick and needed daily attention, both women had stepped willingly into the role of caregiver.
But There Was a Difference
Tricia felt trapped and exhausted. She now found herself unexpectedly helping her mother with cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, driving, and medication management.
“I don’t know how much more of this I can take,” she confessed. “I feel like I’m stuck in this never-ending cycle and I can’t break free. I want to help my mom as much as I can—but this is almost like having a second job.”
Tricia’s in good company. Canadians providing care to seniors may spend at least 17 hours per week on caregiving. And the nation’s caregiving infrastructure has reached a breaking point, causing unpaid family caregivers to suffer physically, emotionally, and financially.
But Heather had found relief. Last year, she had taken her mom to tour half a dozen or so retirement residences. Her mother had liked four of them and fallen in love with one. Four months later, she had moved into her favourite.
“I know how you feel,” Heather told Tricia. “It was the same for me when my mom suddenly needed full-time care. It was tough at first—for both of us—when we were thinking about looking at retirement communities.
But now she’s getting the care she needs. I can also visit and spend quality time with her instead of feeling overwhelmed and burned out all the time.”
Excellent Care for your Elderly Parent … in a Safe, Accessible Social Environment
Tricia paused before answering. “I’ve thought about suggesting that to my mom,” she told Heather, “but I don’t think I could handle the guilt of not taking care of her myself. My mom’s done so much for me.”
“I know it’s hard to let go,” said an empathetic Heather, “but once my mom was settled into the retirement community, I could see how much happier she was. She gets to socialize more and make new friends. She’s not worried about falling down the stairs because the place we chose is fully accessible and safe. And I don’t have to sacrifice my own well-being to take care of her.”
“I don’t know,” worried Tricia. “It just feels like giving up on my responsibilities as her child. Aren’t I supposed to be the one who’s always there for her?”
“It’s not giving up, and you’ll still be there for her,” Heather promised Tricia. “It’s about finding the best way to take care of your mom and take care of yourself at the same time. Remember—this decision isn’t just for your mom. It’s also for you. And your family. You deserve to have a life. Your kids need you. And I can assure you, my mom’s retirement home has lots of nurses and support staff to take excellent care of her.”
Find a Retirement Community Where Your Parent Will Be Happy
“There’s also the amenities,” continued Heather. “My mom especially likes the library and the theatre. Her meals are all taken care of—and I have to say the food’s a lot better than we expected!
“My mom loves the activities they organize. I had no idea she was so into trivia! She’s also the resident gardening expert. Don’t get her talking about tomatoes—she never stops!”
“I see what you’re saying,” said Tricia. “Let me think about it.” She paused. “I guess the first step is she’d have to downsize out of her house and get rid of a lot of stuff. Ugh! I get a headache just thinking about it.”
“Don’t get a headache,” replied Heather. “When my mom and I went through this together, we actually found a program that took us through the whole process. In fact, it was a lot easier than we imagined.”
“There’s also the amenities,” continued Heather. “My mom especially likes the library and the theatre. Her meals are all taken care of—and I have to say the food’s a lot better than we expected!
“My mom loves the activities they organize. I had no idea she was so into trivia! She’s also the resident gardening expert. Don’t get her talking about tomatoes—she never stops!”
“I see what you’re saying,” said Tricia. “Let me think about it.” She paused. “I guess the first step is she’d have to downsize out of her house and get rid of a lot of stuff. Ugh! I get a headache just thinking about it.”
“Don’t get a headache,” replied Heather. “When my mom and I went through this together, we actually found a program that took us through the whole process. In fact, it was a lot easier than we imagined.”
A Unique Program: “Downsizing Done Right”
Specifically designed for people like Heather and Tricia’s moms, Downsizing Done Right makes the journey of transitioning out of your house and into a retirement community stress-free and effortless.
For many people, downsizing into a retirement community or memory-care facility is an emotional and challenging process. For example, there’s the guilt, sadness, and strain that family caregivers of elderly parents often feel. Do you see yourself as a bit of a Tricia?
If downsizing into a seniors’ residence sounds overwhelming, you’re not alone. Here’s what we typically hear:
- “I don’t know where to start.”
- “I don’t have enough help.”
- “Decluttering is daunting.”
- “Selling my house sounds stressful.”
- “There are so many decisions to make.”
- “I’m not sure what retirement home to choose.”
- “I don’t know what type of care I need.”
With the Downsizing Done Right program, you get a step-by-step home downsizing plan to declutter your stuff, prepare and sell your house, and move into the right retirement residence.
We’ll guide your downsizing journey from start to finish. This means less stress and uncertainty—and a smooth and seamless transition.
There’s No Need to Feel Trapped into Caregiving
After going through Downsizing Done Right, Tricia’s mom now thrives in a retirement residence only a few blocks away from Tricia.
“Whew! We’re so glad the big move is over with,” Tricia said one day while her Golden Retriever barked at a telephone pole for no apparent reason.
“I knew you and your mom could do it!” laughed Heather. “And it wasn’t so hard, was it? Look at Daisy. She’s saying, ‘Walk me over to Grandma’s retirement home so she can give me treats!’”
Do you feel trapped caring for an elderly parent? Don’t wait until you and your family have reached your breaking point.
Let’s start a conversation about living options for your mom or dad. Please reach out to us, or book a time for a friendly, free, no-obligation consultation.
- Does your parent who needs care prefer to live in place at home? Read our blog posts about home care and adult day care.
- What kinds of retirement residences are out there? Browse our Retirement Communities Directory.
- Do you know what to look for in a retirement community? Download our Retirement Home Tour Checklist.
